New Mexico Home for Battered Golf Balls

Socorro offers marvelous opportunities for community service and outreach. Here, Peter
is taking a few of the roughly 6,000 newly-arrived victims of golfer abuse out for a
short field trip and gentle exercise. After rejecting the more violently confrontational
tactics of the "People's Front for the Liberation of Golf Balls", Peter recently founded
the "New Mexico Home for Battered Golf Balls". It offers a permanent safe haven, a bath
and psychological assistance for these otherwise helpless creatures. This stands in sharp
contrast to the "rescue efforts" conducted by many others, where the balls are collected only
to be sold into white slavery (or, worse yet, orange or dayglow yellow slavery). In our
facility, the balls are housed in modern, sanitary, high-rise structures (shown above)
and live a simple, but long and happy, existence. Please remember that for most of the
year these unfortunates must cower in tiny bits of protective cover and endure not only
the savagery of the "men with many clubs" who hunt them down like baby harp
seals in Canada, but also attacks by grim reapers on riding mowers. Some of the
heartbreaking results can be seen below and must be stopped. So please
give generously to saving the abused golf ball.

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